Me and My Heart
by aperfectlygoodheart
Summary: Bella has to deal with her heartache while taking care of her daughter. Will she ever pick herself back up and move on from her true love? Bella's POV. All human. Please rate/review, as I want to know if people like it/hate it/want me to carry on or no
1. Chapter 1

My daughter's cries broke me from a daze. My hands curled around her, pulling her to my chest.

"Did you have your dream again?"

She nodded through her tears. "He was reading to me"

Every night since Edward – her father and my husband – had died, she dreamt of him. When she woke, she would cry, remembering what had happened that fateful day two months before.

I dreamt of him too. I would often wake up crying, but knew I had to keep myself together for Nessie.

"Are you ready to go, sweetie?" Everyday, we went to Edward's brother, Emmett and his wife, Rosalie's home. They had rosy cheeked, blonde baby twin girls and Alice, Edward's sister, who was expecting a boy with her fiancé, Jasper, was also always there. We both needed the company.

We drove in silence, listening to one of Edward's favourite CDs.

"Hey" Alice was sitting at the kitchen table. She seemed to be bigger every morning.

"Hey, Alice" I nodded towards Jasper, who was standing behind her, his hands on the back of her chair.

Alice looked at me cautiously.

"How are you today, Bella?" She said, nervously. I can't say I blame her. There have been mornings where I haven't been able to stop crying, mornings where I've been so full of anger, I take it out on her and mornings where I've acted like everything was normal, where nothing had changed and no one had died.

"OK"

She seemed to relax.

"Nessie!" Emmett bounded through the door. He picked her up, holding her in his arms. "You still owe me a rematch, my girl"

Pretty much from when she began walking, Nessie had been playing baseball with her uncles. They always let her win, of course, a pretended to be annoyed.

Nessie shook her head. "Sore loser, sore loser, sore loser" She chanted. It was a phrase she'd picked up from Rosalie.

I was glad to see her smile. She always seemed to cheer up when Emmett was around.

He set her down. "We'll see about that, shall we?" He took her hand and led her towards the backyard.

I sat down next to Alice, who had one hand resting on her stomach and the other holding a glass or orange juice.

"Go and play too, Jasper," She said, smiling towards him. "You don't need to be around me all the time, just because I'm pregnant"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm here. She won't be alone" I put in.

He still looked hesitant.

"I'm not going to freak out again, Jasper"

He nodded and left, still looking cautious.

"Are you sure you're OK?"

"I'm fine, Alice"

"Really?"

I sighed. "Pretty positive. Why do you keep asking?"

She hesitated. "Because me and Rose are going out tonight and want you to come"

"I don't know, Al. Nessie…

"You know Emmett will be happy to take her. And it'll give Jasper some practice"

"Will they be able to cope with Nessie and the twins?"

"They'll be fine, Bells"

"I know they will. It's just… I haven't been out since… Since…"

"I know, Bells. I know. But I think it will be good for you"

"What time?"

"Seven o'clock. Come here, so you can drop off Nessie"

"How do I look?"

"Very pretty, Mommy"

It was a bit of a stupid question to ask a three year old.

She yawned. She'd had a busy day 'beating' Emmett and Jasper.

"We'll go soon, honey, just give me two seconds"

I sat down at my dressing table, pulled my wedding ring from the chain around my neck and slipped it onto my finger. It had taken me weeks to remove it, before thinking of the chain.

When we arrived, Alice immediately glanced down at it. I self-consciously covered it with my right hand.

"I didn't want to attract attention as the only single girl there. It's not like I'm looking for anybody new" I said, a bit too defensively.

Alice nodded once, sensing my tone and realising she shouldn't press it any longer.


	2. Enjoyment And Anger

We didn't go anywhere special, just the local bar for a drink.

"I heard about Edward," The bartender said, carefully. "I'm sorry"

I gave him a weak smile. "Thanks, Joe"

"Tell you what. This round's on the house"

"Joe, you don't have…

"Please, Bella. It's the least I can do"

"Thank you"

"Ooh, my new best friend" Rosalie said, snatching her drink from the counter. "Don't let me drink much, girls. Maddy and Claire wake up early enough as it is and I don't want to do it with a hangover"

Alice rolled her eyes at me. Every time we'd ever gone out, Rosalie seemed to say something similar and every time, it was impossible to prise a drink from her hands.

"I saw that" She snapped. "It won't be like last time"

Last time Rose had been drinking, she ended up on the dance floor, surrounded by cheering men. Emmett had not been impressed.

My heart suddenly aches as I remembered that night.

"_Don't you want to join her?" _Edward had whispered to me, one arm around my shoulders.

"_I think I'm alright," _I had muttered back._ "Why don't __**you **__join her?"_

"_I think I'm alright," _He'd echoed.

"I didn't touch a drop when I was pregnant" Rosalie said, crossly, pulling me back to the present.

"Well done, Rosie" Alice said, clapping a hand on her shoulder. "Well done"

"Can we change the subject?" Rosalie said, tucking a loose blonde hair behind her ear.

"That guy is staring at you" Alice said, suddenly. "The one with the dark hair"

Rose flicked her hair. "I'm used to it, Al, don't worry. The trick is…

"Not you, Rosie"

"Me?!" I cried, shocked.

"Excuse me"

The three of us looked up. None of us had noticed the dark-haired boy get up and make his way over.

"I was just wondering if I could buy you a drink," He said, looking straight at me.

"Sorry" I said, holding up my left hand. I glanced at Rosalie and Alice, warning them not to give me away.

"OK," He said. "Could I buy you a drink without any sexual undertones?"

I hesitated. "I… er…"

"Let me start again. I'm Jacob. I'm new in town and I don't know anyone"

"Tell Joe that Rosalie will have the usual"

Alice and I both turned to stare at her.

"What? He's new in town and he's paying"

Alice shrugged. "I'd love an ice water, Jacob. Thanks"

"And for you…?"

"Bella"

"Bella"

"A lemonade will be great"

"_Lemonade?!" _Rosalie cried, after Jacob left. "What are you, six?"

"It's how Edward and I met" I said, ignoring her tone and smiling at the memory. "Summer before first grade. I had my lemonade stand in my front yard and Edward knocked it over to get my attention"

"He'd already tried everything else" Alice said, with a laugh. "Emmett told him to do it"

"I just burst into tears. I think I also said he was a mean, horrible boy and I hated him"

"Am I interrupting?" Jacob had returned, four glasses neatly balanced between his two hands.

"No, no, don't you worry. We were just _reminiscing_" Rosalie smiled and reached for her drink. She was flirting, a clear sign that she'd already had too much.

"Oh" Jacob eyes flitted down to Rose's wedding ring and sounded shocked at her tone.

"I think you've had enough, Rosalie" Alice said, taking her glass before she could take a sip. "Remember my brother, Emmett? Your husband? At home with your children?"

Rosie crossed her arms. "I was just having a bit of fun"

"I bet I know what your thinking" I said to Jacob. "_Boy, am I regretting making friends with these girls"_

"Friends?" Jacob sounded hopeful.

I nodded. "Sure. _Friends_" I emphasised the word, remembering his original intentions.

"I'm going to have to meet your guys too. Rosalie's is Emmett, Alice is…

"Jasper"

"And you?"

I looked down at my hands. "Edward. His name is Edward"

"I'd like to meet your Edward" For some reason, he seemed to be stifling a laugh.

I shook off the thought as paranoia. "You'd like him. Everyone does. _Did_" I whispered the last part, quiet enough so Jacob couldn't hear.

"Bella, I think we'd better go before Rosie starts dancing again" Alice said, glancing towards her.

"Coming" I turned to Jacob. "Nice to meet you. See you around"

The next day, I dropped Nessie off at a friend's for a play date and headed into town. I thought back to the night before. I'd actually enjoyed myself. It was nice to be out again, as much as that memory had hurt.

I browsed a few stores, not used to free time by myself. As I was buying new shoes for Nessie, I suddenly caught sight of a reflection that looked an awful lot like Jacob from the night before. I turned to check, but he'd disappeared. I ignored it the couple more times it happened until I saw what was _definitely _him reflected in a shop window as headed into Starbucks for coffee.

"Are you stalking me?" I said suddenly turning around to face him.

"What? Er… um…" He was clearly embarrassed at being caught. "No"

I narrowed my eyes. "I seem to be seeing you everywhere"

"You said see you around"

"I didn't mean…

"Where's your wedding ring?" He sounded hopeful. My God, he was annoying. And rude.

"I was washing dishes" I said quickly, pointing the to the chain around my neck.

I didn't like the way he was looking at me. Like he knew I was lying.

"OK, then"

He definitely didn't believe me. Suddenly, I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand his tone, I couldn't stand the way he was looking at me.

"Fine. You win. My husband is dead. He _died._ Two months ago. That's why I didn't really want any attention in a bar. I don't wear my ring on my finger normally because, if I do, I hear this voice that tells me that the love of my life didn't die and leave me and our three year old daughter. That he'll be back. But I wear it around my neck, so he is still always close to my heart"

I couldn't believe I just told a stranger my secrets. Secrets I didn't even tell Alice or Rosalie. A stranger I didn't even like.

I stood staring at him for nearly a minute before turning away. I started to walk away. The tears were already flowing freely down my cheeks.

_Please don't follow me, please don't follow me, please don't follow me. _

"Bella?"

"Leave me alone. Did you not understand what I just said? Leave. Me. Alone"

"Bella, I'm sorry. I really am. I can't believe myself. I'm a complete idiot"

_**Why was my anger fading away?! **_Suddenly, I wasn't so furious anymore. I couldn't understand why. I stopped.

"Yes, you are" Did I… like him?

Ok, I didn't _like him_, like him, of course, but other than being condescending and bit stalkerish, he was actually quite sweet.

"But you couldn't have known"

"Coffee?" He said, pointing to the door we'd been standing outside for ten minutes.

"Friends?" I said.

"Friends"

"Then sure"


End file.
